17 Mar What can go wrong when you buy tights in a rush?
What can go wrong when you buy tights in a rush? Well it would appear, a lot! Let me fill you in…
Rather than hit the snooze button, I turned my alarm off resulting in a panicked rushed morning of shower, dry hair, makeup, dress, out. I had an important client workshop ahead, not a day out of the ordinary but I had to look immaculate (part and parcel of my role). I don’t do trouser suits, I’m a skirt and dress girl all the way; trousers don’t suit my wide hips and ass hasn’t seen a squat in a very very long time. So as I throw on my trusty skirt, blouse and jacket, followed by a minute rummaging through my drawers for tights I realise I’m out. Nothing out of the norm, it’s just an added inconvenience enroute to my meeting.
Hoping I don’t bump into any one in reception I run to the toilets, whip out my tights and rush to put them on….but they’re not tights, the day is clearly going to continue as it started. I had, in my mad dash, picked up hold-up stockings. Now for those of you who are thinking ‘what the hell are hold-up stocking?’ Let me tell you. They’re the tights which only go up to the thigh but rather then have to use a suspender belt they have a rubber like coating on the inside which clings to your leg and keeps the stocking up ALL BY ITSELF apparently. Two things happen with these so called hold-up stocking:
1. They make you sweat, as anything rubbery against your skin would do all day;
2. They roll down and as they go down, they add tires to even the slimmest well toned of legs (trust me I’ve shared this story with many of my girlfriends, the lean and the curvy, with a response of synchronised head nodding).
So yes, if you’re wondering, I wore the hold-up stockings.
To start with they held themselves up fine, I thought I’d manage to get through the day with no further stress required all I needed to do was ensure I crossed my legs in the correct way with my skirt to legs at all time. The morning thankfully flies by, a few trips to the toilet were made which enabled me to readjust and pull them up the little they had slipped – someone’s really figured out how to make good hold-up stockings – well done! Then the afternoon came.
The afternoon started with a presentation from myself, I could start to feel them inching their way down my legs as I talked, unlike my usual animated presentation style I had to stand on the spot at the risk of one of them deciding to go for an unprecedented, unwelcome roll down my leg in the middle of the presentation. Needless to say, it wasn’t my best presentation to date. I manage to pull of the presentation, if someone was to stare at my skirt hard enough they would surely see a big dint in the middle of my leg, perhaps some severe cellulite they would think. Tea break, dash to bathroom, readjust the misbehaving ‘hold-ups’, back to the meeting room.
Next, the final session of the day, the working session. We split into 4 groups and as I walk over to my group I feel my ‘not so’ hold-up stockings starting to make their way down, teasing me, rolling down just a little bit at a time. I try my hardest to keep still, sitting down whilst others in the group worked on writing up on the flip chart. Then I got slightly confident/forgetful, jumped out of my chair to write on the board and instantly my left leg went down to above my knee in line with my skirt before I knew it. I tried not to react as to not draw attention but if I was to walk away from the group right now someone, if not everyone, would certainly see. I wrote my thoughts up on the board and slyly moved to the back of the group continuing to maintain involvement in the conversation – that was my opportunity, I went down grabbed the stocking and started to wriggle it back up. Everyone in my group was fully immersed and wouldn’t know a thing, I looked around the room and to my horror my director turned at the same time. I went red, she tried not to crack up laughing, I dashed to the toilet, I’m sure some of her group feeling her laughter saw me dash out.
So there we have it, that’s what can go wrong when you buy tights in a rush!